Letters from Buffy
by Tarribabe
Summary: When she died Buffy left letters for Dawn to deliver to all her friends. It took a while but it is finally done.
1. Dawn

Disclaimer - I don't own any of these characters. I am not making any money from this story.

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 1: Dawn

Dawn walked into her house for the first time since Buffy's death a month ago. She had been staying with the others since that morning. First she stayed with Giles, but she knew that her presence in his apartment was only making it harder for him to get over the loss of Buffy. So Dawn had moved in with Xander. She had stayed with him for a week and a half, until it became apparently clear that Anya was tired of having her around. It's not that Anya doesn't like Dawn, she just wanted to be able to celebrate her engagement without a kid around. After assuring Xander that she would be okay, Dawn went to spend a week with Willow and Tara in the dorm. She eventually left here because having the constant reminder of Buffy around was too hard for Willow. For the rest of the month Dawn stayed with Spike in his crypt. This was where she felt the most alone. Spike slept all day and spent all night out patrolling, leaving Dawn to amuse herself. He always waited until he was sure she was asleep before coming back. So finally Dawn assured everyone that she would be okay in her own house and after promising that they could come check up on her whenever they wanted, Dawn went home. 

She wasn't sure what she expected to feel when she entered the house, but she wasn't ready for the overwhelming sense of loss. This wasn't her house...it was Buffy's house. Buffy was real....Dawn was just a key. She didn't belong here anymore. She should have died, not Buffy. Dawn still couldn't believe how Buffy had unselfishly ended her own life to save Dawn's. Anyone else would have let Dawn jump to close the portal. Unable to fight the tears any longer, Dawn sank to her knees and buried her face in her hands. The fact that her father hadn't come for her was just another reminder that she wasn't real. It was like he knew that all of his memories were fake and he was punishing Dawn for showing up in his life and killing his only daughter. 

After what seemed like hours, but was really only a few minutes, Dawn got back on her feet and walked upstairs to Buffy's room. She stood in the doorway and looked around the room. There on the bed were the 

clothes Buffy had changed out of that last night, along with some discarded weapons she had opted not to bring with her to fight Glory. Dawn didn't know what she was looking for, but she knew there was something there for her to find. That's when she saw the piece of paper on the desk. She walked over and picked up the paper, not sure if it was something that she wanted to read. She wasn't even the slightest bit surprised when she saw that it was a letter addressed to herself. It was written in Buffy's handwriting and dated the day before she died. Dawn went and sat down on Buffy's bed to read the letter. 

__

May 21, 2001

Dear Dawn, 

I am writing you this letter because tomorrow the scoobies and I are going to fight Glory and I don't know if we will all survive. Don't be angry with me for saying this, but if anyone has to die during the fight I hope it will be me. I don't think I could live with myself if any more of my friends had to die while I was still alive and well. If you are reading this letter than I have indeed died while trying to save you from Glory. That is the one thing I do know for sure. You are not going to die. What right do I have to live and continue my life as the Slayer if I can't even save my little sister? All of the super strength in the world wouldn't help me if I ever lost you. Please don't ever think that I didn't love you. You were my sister, key or no key…you will always be my sister. We shared the same blood. Summer's blood, remember? You might not have really always been in my life, but in my memories you have always been there, and that can't be taken away from me. I need you to do something for me Dawn. In the top drawer of my nightstand you will find envelopes addressed to all of my friends. Please make sure they all get them. I need them to understand why my life ended when it did. They need to understand that I am glad that I died and not them. Please take care of them Dawn. I know that it will be hard at first, but don't ever give up. Don't ever let them give up. They need you, now more than ever. I have to prepare for my battle with Glory now. Please don't be sad. I love you. 

Buffy


	2. Giles

Disclaimer - I don't own any of these characters. I am not making any money from this story.

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 2: Giles

Dawn delivered the first of the letters early the next morning. She knew that Giles would want to read his letter in privacy, so she got up early to take it to him before he went to the Magic Box. She knocked on the door to his apartment nervously. She was afraid of how he would react when he found out why she was here this early on a Saturday. Finally the door swung open and Giles stood before her.

"Oh, Dawn, it's you. What can I do for you this morning? Have you had breakfast? All I have is cereal, but I can get you a bowl."

"No thanks, I really can't stay. I just wanted to bring you this. I found it when I went home last night."  
"Oh, what is it?" Giles asked curiously. His face went white when he looked at the envelope and saw that it was addressed to him in Buffy's handwriting. 

"It's a letter from Buffy. She wrote them all before she died and left me a letter asking me to deliver them. I have some for the others also, so I'm gonna go deliver them."  
"Yes, of course. You should do that. Be careful."  
"I will. Bye Giles."  
Giles didn't respond. He simply closed his door and walked over to his lounge chair and sat down, staring at the envelope. He couldn't decide if he wanted to open it or not. Nothing Buffy could say in that letter could possible make him feel better. After a while he sighed and opened the letter. 

__

May 21, 2001

Dear Giles, 

I know that nothing I say can make you feel better about what happened, but there are a few things that I need to say to you. Things that I never said in life, or I simply didn't say them enough. First I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. You were so much more than a Watcher. You were the closest thing I had to a father. You were way more of a father to me than Hank Summers could ever have been. I want you to know that. I have really grown since that first day in the library and you have been there for me every step of the way. I could go to you with all of my problems and you always offered me a shoulder to cry on and supported me in everything I did, even if you didn't agree with me. I'm sorry that I had to die, but if everyone else survived then I'm glad that I did. I am the Slayer, the Chosen One. It is my job to protect people from demons, and if nobody but me died then that is exactly what I did. Slayers don't live long lives. We have always known that. Chances are that I probably wouldn't have live much longer anyway. I know that sounds grim, but it is the truth. Please take care of Dawn for me. Be to her the father you always were to me. If you will do that, then I know that she will be okay. Make sure she goes to school and that she does her homework and don't let her date until she's at least sixteen. That's when mom let me start dating. Do you think I'll be with her when I die? I don't know. It's kind of scary not knowing what is going to happen after I die. It's starting to get dark, so I have to get ready to patrol. I love you. Remember that no matter where I am now, I will always be with you. 

Love, 

Buffy


	3. Willow

Disclaimer - I don't own any of these characters. I am not making any money from this story.

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 3: Willow

Willow and Tara weren't in their dorm room when Dawn went to deliver Willow's letter so she slipped it under the door and left. When the two witches got back Tara noticed the envelope on the floor.

"What's this? It's addressed to you Willow."

"Oh, it's probably nothing. Just someone trying to recruit members for some kind of group. They probably just picked names out of the student directory."  
"But it doesn't have your last name on it. Just Willow."

"Hmm…well let me see it."

Tara handed the envelope, who dropped it back on the floor as soon as she saw her name. 

"What's the matter, honey?"  
"That's Buffy's handwriting."  
"Oh," said a shocked Tara, "Dawn must have dropped it off while we were gone. Are you going to open it?"  
"Yeah. I guess so. I mean…I should, shouldn't I? What do you think it is?"

"I don't know. Do you want me to open it for you?"

"No. I'll open it. Just give me a minute. Will you stay here with me while I open it? Please?"

"Of course I will."

With that, Willow sat on the bed and Tara sat on the floor. Willow sighed deeply, then opened the envelope and started reading out loud.

"_May 21, 2001_

Dear Willow, 

What can I say to my best friend? My rock. My confidante. You have been like a sister to me for as long as I've known you. You know everything there is to know about me. I've never seen you as happy as you have been with Tara this past year. I am so happy for you. You are lucky to have found her when you did. I'm sorry for what happened to her because of me. For what Glory did to her. I hope that your spell worked and that you were able to get her back. I know what it is like to have to live without the love of your life and it is not a good thing. You deserve to be happy, especially after all you have been through because of me. Keep working on your magic. You are more powerful than you realize and you will continue to do great things with it. Don't be discouraged when things go wrong. Everybody makes mistakes, but it takes a special person to learn from their mistakes and you always have. You are special Willow. Make sure Tara knows that she is special also. Take care of her Willow, and let her take care of you. Don't take it for granted that she will always be there. Things don't always work out that way. Please don't be sad that I'm gone. I will always be with you. No matter what. I will still be here watching over you and protecting you. Promise me that you will always be happy. 

Love Always, 

Buffy 


	4. Tara

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 4: Tara

Willow looked up with tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe that Buffy had actually thought ahead about the fact that she might die while fighting Glory. Of course they all knew that the god would kill them, but surely they had all believed that Buffy would survive. She looked at Tara and tried to smile. That was when she noticed that there was something else in the envelope. She opened it wider and looked inside to see another piece of paper with Tara's name written on it. 

"There's a letter here for you too, honey," she said quietly. 

"There is?" asked Tara, who was somewhat shocked that Buffy would take 

the time to write to her also. She reached out and took the letter.

__

May 21, 2001

Dear Tara, 

I know that we haven't gotten the chance to be close in the past year, 

but I wanted to say goodbye to you also. I want to thank you for helping me through my mother's death and for looking out for Dawn when she was going through such a hard time. I am really sorry for what Glory did to you. It means a lot to me that you went through all of that, rather than tell her that Dawn was the key. I can't ever thank you enough for that. That was above the responsibility of friendship. I would like to think that I would have done the same thing if I was you, but I don't know if that is true. Only a special person would submit herself to that much pain. I regret the fact that I didn't have a chance to get to know you better than I do. Even so, I consider you a good friend and a Scooby. Take care of Willow, she cares about you so much. And take care of yourself. 

Love, 

Buffy


	5. Xander

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 5: Xander

Dawn waited until evening to head over to Xander's apartment because she knew that he would be at work during the day. Anya wouldn't even be there because she would be at the Magic Box all day. So after dinner she went to visit the happy couple. She walked to the apartment slowly, not really knowing what to expect when she reached the door. Finally she was there. She took a deep breath and lifted her hand to knock. After a few minutes' wait Xander opened the door. 

"What's up Dawnie, did you forget something?"

"Um, no. I came over for… I mean I just wanted to… I have a letter for you," Dawn said after trying to think of some better explanation.

"A letter? You could have just called. You didn't have to go through all the trouble of writing," Xander joked.

"It's from Buffy. She wrote it before she died."

"Oh."

Dawn handed him the envelope and, unsure of what else to say, turned and walked back toward the elevator. Xander Watched for a moment, then went back into the apartment and began to open the letter just as Anya walked into the room from taking a shower. 

"Who was at the door? What's that in your hand? Are we being evicted?"

"No. That was Dawn. She was delivering a letter from Buffy."

"Oh," Anya said, in shock. 

"Yeah. My thoughts exactly. Let's see what she has to say." With that Xander began reading his letter. 

__

May 21, 2001

Dear Xander, 

I'm sure that right about now you're wishing that you could have brought me back to life again, like you did last time I died. I know that I died and that I couldn't be saved if you are reading this letter. I didn't mean to eavesdrop earlier, but I was walking downstairs to help you and Anya search the basement and I heard you propose. I am so happy for you both. You deserve every happiness life can give you. I only hope that now that I am dead and there is going to be a new slayer, that you and Anya will be able to have a normal, demon-free life. You are a wonderful person and a great friend. You have always put the safety of others before your own. That is a truly valiant quality to have. I know that it will take you far in life. Please watch out for Dawn, she has always looked up to you. I know that you had a crush on me when I first arrived in Sunnydale and I want you to know that there is only one reason why we were never together. We were never a couple because you deserve so much more than what I could ever offer you. You have always been much to good for me. You deserve Anya. You two share a love greater than I have ever known or seen. You have been through so much together and have come out a stronger couple because of it all. I know that you will take care of each other and always be happy. Don't ever take that happiness for granted. Cherish it for everything it is worth, because it is worth a lot more than you will ever realize. 

Love, 

Buffy


	6. Anya

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 6: Anya

Xander sighed and dropped the letter onto the table. He turned and pulled Anya into his arms. They looked at each other in silence for a couple of minutes, then Xander dropped his face onto her shoulder and began to sob. They stood there like that for a few moments, with Xander crying until the tears just wouldn't come anymore. When he finally lifted his head again his eyes were red and swollen, but they were dry once again. Quietly he turned back to the table and lifted the envelope again.

"There's one for you too," he said softly, holding a piece of paper out in front of him…offering it to her. Anya took the paper from him, opened it, and began to read. 

__

May 21, 2001

Dear Anya, 

I know that we didn't always make you feel welcome and like you are really part of the gang, but I want you to know how important you really are to all of us. You were the one who came up with the ideas that, hopefully, defeated Glory. If so, you helped save my sister's life. I really appreciate that, even though I know that wasn't your top priority. I also want to tell you that I really admire you. I don't think I ever told you that, but I want you to know. I really do admire you. You always say exactly what is on your mind and you never care what other people think of you for it. You are so lucky to have that, so don't let anyone change that about you. Take good care of Xander, he's a special person and he's lucky to have you. You two are going to have a wonderful life together and I'm really sorry I'm going to miss it. I wish I could be there to share your happiness. 

Love, 

Buffy


	7. Angel

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 7: Angel

Angel's was a hard letter for Dawn to deliver since she had no way to get to Los Angeles. Instead she did the only thing she could think of…she went to visit an old "friend" of Buffy's. As she nervously walked through the door, hoping that nobody would be able to see how scared she really was, Willy looked up from his position behind the bar. 

"What are you doing little girl? Children aren't allowed in here."

"I'm Buffy's sister," Dawn said in what she hoped was a brave voice. 

"Good for you. The Slayer is dead. I'm not afraid of her anymore."

"Are you afraid of her friends? Two witches, and ex-vengeance demon, and a vampire. All of whom recently helped to defeat a god. Sounds like a scary lot to me. Kick me out and they'll all be here before you can move out from behind that bar."

"Like I said, what can I do for you kid?"

"I need this letter delivered to Angel in LA. Tonight."

"No problem. Hand it over."

Dawn gave him the letter and left. Willy gave the letter to a demon who owed him a favor and that demon took it to LA and handed it over to Angel. Angel, who recognized the handwriting instantly, locked himself in his room and sat down to read his letter. 

__

May 21-22, 2001

Dear Angel, 

I've been sitting here most of the night trying to figure out how to say goodbye to you. I still don't think I really know what to say. How do you say goodbye to someone you spent so much time loving. I know that we've said goodbye before, but this time it's different. This is our last goodbye. I've always known that, as the Slayer, I was going to die young. Now that my time is near I'm finding that I'm not as scared as I thought I would be. I know that the others all think that I'm afraid that Glory will kill me and that is why I'm running, but that's not true. I'm not afraid of dying myself. I'm afraid for them. They don't deserve to die, not yet. I can't let them die fighting my battles with me or for me. Especially Dawn. She never asked for any of this. She doesn't deserve everything that she has been through this year. Glory is after her only because I am the Slayer so those stupid monks sent the key to me. If it wasn't for me she wouldn't be here fearing that her life is almost over. But if I wasn't the Slayer then there would be no Dawn. That makes me sad. I know that I wouldn't know the difference if she wasn't here, because all my memories of her are made up, but I can' t imagine my life without her. That's weird, isn't it? I'm glad that I got to see you again after my mother's funeral. I didn't want our last time seeing each other to leave us on bad terms with one another. I want you to know that I have always loved you. I don't think I could ever stop loving you. That love has changed since you've been gone, though. It's not the passionate love that I had to have in the beginning. It's grown into a love of deep friendship. I don't know if you feel the same way. Maybe you've given your love to another woman, as I am now in love with another man. I don't know when or how it happened. I didn't think that I would ever get over being in love with you, but I have and I thought that you should know. You have the right to know. Take care of yourself Angel.

Love, 

Buffy


	8. Spike

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters…they belong to Joss Whedon and company. I did however write the story. I just wanted to add the note that I did use some of the lines from the episode THE GIFT. The lines from this episode are in italics and surrounded by quotation marks to indicate that they were spoken on the show and will be recognized by anyone who saw the show. 

Letters from Buffy

Chapter 8: Spike

Dawn waited until much later to deliver the last letter. She didn't quite know why, but she didn't want to go the crypt when she knew that Spike would be there. She never knew what to say to him. They were all hurting over Buffy's death, but somehow it was different with him. It's funny, but it seems that it took Buffy's death to make the rest of the group realize that Spike really was in love with her. 

Dawn slowed down as she reached the entrance to the cemetery. She pulled the cross she on a chain around her neck out from under her shirt and felt around for the stake in her bag. The cross was actually the one that Angel had given to Buffy when they first met. Dawn felt safer with it on. She also felt closer to Buffy. 

Dawn took a deep breath and hurried through the cemetery toward Spike's crypt. She kept an eye out for vampires, praying that she wouldn't run into any. She was careful to avoid the part of the cemetery where Buffy's grave was located. When she reached the door to the crypt Dawn reached into her bag and pulled out the letter to Spike and some tape. After securing the letter to the door Dawn turned and ran home as fast as she could, not stopping until she was safely at home with the door locked behind her. 

~~~

Spike was walking slowly through the cemetery even as the sun was moments from rising. He didn't seem to mind that he could possibly be dusted before he reached his door. He was not thinking about the approaching morning or the disappearing night. His mind was far away from anything in the present, as it had been for a while now. In his mind he was reliving that night a month ago when everything had gone so horribly wrong. He had been reliving that night every day and every night for the past month. He knew that he was missing some important detail about that night. He knew that there was something he have done to stop what had happened if only he had figured it out in time. 

Spike looked around and was shocked to see that it was almost dawn and that he was still so far from his crypt. As he was hurrying toward the crypt he could see something stuck up on it. _What the hell? _he thought . As he got closer he could see that it was some kind of envelope. 

"Oh, bloody hell, just what I need. A letter from a secret friend. I wonder who's trying to get rid of me now. Probably those soddin' scoobies. Now that the slayer is gone nobody wants Ol' Spike around anymore. Course, I don't see any of them out patrolling at night."

Spike finished his outburst just as he reached his door. He had just enough time to grab the envelope, open the door and rush inside before the first of the sun's rays hit the door of the crypt. Spike took a moment to adjust to the lighting of the crypt, then he held up the envelope to take a look. The instant he saw his name written on the front everything fell into place for him. He suddenly knew the important thing that he should have figured out so long ago. He looked at his name on the envelope. His name written in her handwriting. The name written by Buffy that night at her house before going to fight Glory. As Spike looked at the envelope his mind drifted back to that night. 

__

"Presto. No barrier."

She had invited him back into the house that night for a reason. A reason that had nothing to do with picking up some weapons with her, but he had been too shocked and too stupid to realize what that reason was. 

__

"We're not all going to make it. You know that."

He had known that, but he thought that she was talking about him. Asking him to sacrifice himself to save her sister. He would have done it. In a heartbeat he would have given his life for Dawn's. 

__

"I always knew I'd go down fighting."

"I'm counting on you to protect her."

To protect Dawn, that was his job… to protect Dawn. Not to get himself killed. A pile of dust couldn't protect a person. 

__

"To the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight."

But it wasn't going to be that night. Buffy wouldn't let it be that night. It was her job to save the world and she was going to do her job. Just like she knew that Spike would do his. _"I'm counting on you to protect her."_

Spike looked at the envelope again as a tear escaped from his eye and made a track down his cheek for other tears to follow. Now he knew what he should have known a month ago. Now he knew what he should have been able to stop. Now he knew what Buffy had been trying to tell him that night. _"We're not all going to make it." _She had said it with such certainty in her voice. She was so sure… because she knew. She had been planning it all along. Buffy knew that she was going to die that night. 

Spike sighed deeply and began to open the envelope. Before he took out the letter Spike thought more about that night. Something else stuck in his mind about that night. 

__

"I know you'll never love me."

"I'm counting on you to protect her."

Spike smiled sadly. Buffy had never loved him, but she had trusted him. Trusted him enough to ask him to protect Dawn. Now he knew that she hadn't meant just that night. She had trusted him enough to invite him back into the house so that he could continue to protect Dawn. Spike promised himself that he wouldn't let her down. As soon as night came he was going to go ask Dawn for permission to move into the house with her. He was going to protect her better than the secret service protected the president. That was one promise he was going to keep. 

With that decided Spike pulled the letter out of the envelope and began to read slowly, savoring every word Buffy had written to him. He could tell from the shaky handwriting that the letter had been written when she had locked herself in the back room of the RV. 

__

May 21, 2001

Dear Spike, 

By the time you read this I will be dead and you will probably have figured out that I had planned my death. I hope that you can understand that it was what I had to do. I am the Slayer…Death is my gift. I couldn't let Dawn die. She doesn't deserve to die. She's so innocent. She didn't do anything to deserve what's she's going through. I know that she'll be upset and confused about my death, but I know that you'll help her. I know that I can count on you to protect her and keep her safe. The others will all help you. I know that you have all had your differences in the past, we all have, but now all of you have to try to put that behind you and pull together. If you can't do it for yourselves then do it for Dawn. If she isn't a good enough reason…do it for me. Please don't let the gang fall apart. I'm counting on you Spike, please don't let me down. 

Buffy

Spike folded the letter and began to put it back in the envelope. That is when he noticed the writing on the back. 

__

May 22, 2001

P.S.--You're wrong Spike. I do love you. More than anything. I'm sorry that I didn't figure it out sooner, or tell you when I did realize it. We could have had something special. 


End file.
